I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
