I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
