My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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