Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
