Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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