Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
