I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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