You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
