i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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