Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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