i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
