Please don't use social media to get back at me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
