i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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