Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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