Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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