It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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