The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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