I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
