why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
