I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
