You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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