Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
