its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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