Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
