so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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