I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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