mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
