She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
