so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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