Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
