my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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