i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
