Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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