She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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