Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and she was petting her beer can
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
