cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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