Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Text me some of your sweat
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