speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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