Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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