you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
