We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
are you so shy because you have an std?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
