So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
her vagine was all disorganized.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
