saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
