Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
