i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
