i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
