We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
