I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
