so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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