I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
