You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
