hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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