My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
