Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
