I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i believe in u and ur pee
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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