when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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