Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
