Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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