what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
